Saturday, October 9, 2010

Sloths...


Sloths: Nature’s most consecutively horrifying and slowest animal. I stumble a lot and I’m assuming because I liked a lot of cute things it in turn assumes I would love to look at sloths doing slothy things.

Slothy Things
Adj?
1. Everything a normal animal can do but slow and awful
2. Terrible in every way
3. Should be considered a national threat

That’s what slothy things means if you were wondering. I hate to break it to you people, but sloths aren’t adorable. They have terrible long gangly arms with claws that I know just want to reach for my eyeballs. I can’t even be reassured by the fact that they are so slow. That makes things worse. It’s like they’re stuck in a terrible loop of slow motion and I’m am part of a horror movie scene.

What brings up this topic you might ask? I’ll show you.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xfq9a_un-paresseux-super-speed
OH MY GOSH IT LOOKED ME IN THE EYE!!
Did you see that? I did. It looked me in the eye and I knew then and there it hungered for my soul. Its face looked like it melted or something. Like some horrible puppet I would see in a haunted house.
There’s a sloth or two (I don’t know I try to repress the memory) at the zoo where I live. They’re in this dark and dank pavilion, it’s all blue and black lighting and all the scary shit is there: Snakes, spiders, horrible smelling monkeys, deathly sea anemones and then the sloths. Certainly this is where my association with sloths being demons of hell comes from? I don’t have an ending for this post. There is no ending. Sloths are still out there.

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